I had a hard time starting writing this entry. My blogging has been the biggest trigger for some online bullying I’ve been experiencing over the last few months (you can read about that here), so I’ve been avoiding writing for that reason. I’ve also found myself with very little alone time while feeling motivated enough to write. I’m sitting here not knowing where to start things, or how to structure what I want to say. Typically, my blogs have always focused on one topic at a time. This one is likely going to be a mish-mosh of topics, and it may not be as well written as other entries have been. Either way, it’ll be MY thoughts and feelings and opinions. Which means not everyone will agree. And that’s cool. That’s what makes us so great; we all have different beliefs/values/morals/opinions and we won’t always agree. But we can always choose to be respectful and kind, regardless of how we might feel about something another person says or does.
So. What the heck have I been at for the last month exactly? Officially, I’ve been doing Site Administration for Fagioli (pronounced, Fa-jo-li; as in, doesn’t rhyme with ravioli); the company who is going to do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to assembling the Topsides of the GBS for the Hebron Project. Site Administration is similar to Office Administration, except you’re out in the field, on the project site. And while some of the tasks are the same in both roles, a Site Administrator often has many more responsibilities and a much broader spectrum of varying duties. I’ve done everything from laminating, taking meeting minutes, booking camp accommodations, onboarding new employees to attending weekly safety walkthroughs, preparing safety reports, acting as mom to some, work wife to others. It’ll be one of those job experiences that teaches me boatloads and one I’ll never forget. The people I work with are amazing. We’re a team of about 50; a mix of local personnel with a heavy influence of foreign workers, mostly from Italy. A couple from Spain; a few from Poland. I’ve learned important lessons from many of them already. I can say with quite certainty that it’ll be hard to say goodbye to this group of people when the contract is completed in a few months.
From a mental health perspective, I’ve had some ups and downs for sure. As amazing as my job is, and as much as I am loving this experience, it’s challenging being way from home for 5 days at a time. Work-life balance is hard because I am still trying to be full time parent as much as I possibly can while working 10 hour days. It’s only possible because the kids have their grandfather here with them full-time and my mom and sister give us tremendous amounts of support. The kids and I are so blessed to have the kind of help we do. Even still, with all of this greatness going on, my depression and anxiety lurks in the background. The switch flicks on and off when it wants to, and coping in the Bull Arm environment isn’t easy. It hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies this entire time. I’ve had a few overwhelming moments; consumed by guilt, loneliness, sadness. The same cast of characters as always. I don’t sleep well ever. I’m averaging 5 hours of sleep a night, which is tough when you’ve got a 10 hour workday facing you each morning. As I mentioned in a https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fcarlacrotty13%2Fposts%2F10157172733275657&width=500” target=”_blank”>FB post recently, there is some mental health support available through EZRA Chaplaincy Services. While it may not be enough support in my opinion, it’s comforting to know the option is there.
Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder; and I’m thankful this experience allows me to appreciate the precious time I have with my family and friends while I’m home. And even though my time home is limited, I still try my best to keep up with giving back and volunteerism as much as possible. I recently spent half a day volunteering the Mighty Girls Day initiative; an amazing event and movement to be part of. And I’m still doing as much as I can with our Need Something, Got Something FB community. We’re very close to 5000 thousand members now, an amazing feat, and it shows just how many people are struggling in our province’s current economic climate. I rely quite heavily on the other admins these days to manage the group, and I’m so thankful to have those 5 ladies in my life; and we’re all lucky to have them dedicated to the NSGS effort. This weekend, my family celebrated the marriage of my cousin Sam, and his new bride, Pam. It’s been a while since we have all gotten together for a Crotty FamJam – especially decked out in our Sunday best. Here’s a shot of me, my sis, and my cousins – “Taylor Swift and her Squad” – because my Sarah is a pretty close resemblance to TSwift herself. Time with family is so important, and I learn that more and more as I grow older.
I was going to write a separate piece about online dating and camp life all on its own, but it’s just as well lump it in here with the rest of what’s been going on. You’ve heard me say in previous posts, it’s a small world when it comes to online dating in this province. Believe it or not, it gets even smaller when you work at a site like Bull Arm. My co-worker, Danny, is my BFF and wingman on site, and the poor darling often puts up with my constant ramblings about the male population at Bull Arm. I’ve walked into the cafeteria at supper on more than one occasion and have recognized 3 guys from Plenty of Fish. And if I’m recognizing them, one can assume they know my face. Then there’s the faceless guys of POF who message you to let you know they work at Bull Arm too and have seen you around. Or even worse, know what your name is. That is unnerving. And I’m not weirded out in a concerned-for-my-safety kind of way. It would just be nice to know who some of these people are. Most of these guys won’t compare to the constant parade of eye candy waltzing in and out of my office on a daily basis. And sure, I’m aware none of this content is politically correct and if it were a male talking about female co-workers, there might be some major uproar. C’est la vie. I would not blame any male who spent 10 hours a day working with a bunch of females from Europe; half of whom look like they could have a career as a model. This is the struggle I face; pushing the envelope as far as I can without ruining it all. #firstworldproblems
Living the “camp life” isn’t something I ever thought I’d be doing, but I don’t have any complaints, that’s for sure. Evenings/nights can be long and boring sometimes, but there are things I can do to change that. The longer evenings that come with summer means taking in more of the local scenery of the neighboring communities. Food on site is best kind in my books. I’ve heard plenty of people complaining about it, and perhaps I don’t have other camp experiences to compare my situation to, but I’m more than happy with the meals that have been served. There’s always 3-4 main courses to choose from; plus soups, salads, fries, onion rings, a half dozen dessert options. I’ve got almost 5 pounds on since May 11 – thank you camp food.
I guess the positive side of jamming too much food in my mouth on a daily basis is that I’ve been motivated to drag my lazy ass to the gym. I don’t go regularly at this point, and am only running 2-3K when I do go, but doing a little is better than doing nothing at all, I figure. I’m simply doing it to combat the overeating. I’m not turning over some new fitness leaf, and I certainly won’t be signing up for the Tely 10. But, I did get up this morning and go for a jog. On my days off. Just because I felt so inclined. That’s progress of some sort; I’m not sure what exactly. But good job, Princess. Heading into my 8th month as a non-smoker for sure has a lot to do with me being able to run longer than like, 15 seconds. The fact that there are gym goers who are easy on the eyes also makes being there easier. I’ll keep it up, for now anyways.
That was a lot of words; so much for not knowing how or what I was going to say! I probably lost half my readers 500 words ago, but I put this all out there for me more than anyone else. Sure, I’m happy when people read and give me positive feedback and are entertained by what I write about, but at the end of the day, it’s the only therapy I’ve got right now. If you stuck it out and read it all, I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading. Be kind and love as much as you can. ❤